We can always kind to others except our lover. Many temper tantrum exists just between our family. It’s so painful because we love the partner so much but we can’t help losing control of temper. This article shows you a practical way to try to solve this problem.

Tag: temper control, temper tantrum, lose control of temper, creative visualization, affirmation

Do you have such experience that you can’t help losing control of temper towards your lover? When you are fall in love with her, you may be do anything for her with great care, but now, many things are different from before? You get crank, impatient towards her just like you have lost interest in her.

What’s the result?

Have you ever stayed quietly and thought over the bad result? Have you recognized that she will be hurt deeply? Have you thought over your relationship which has been an enviable one? We all know that jangle is a deadly killer for a happy family. Then have you thought what will happen when continuous jangles exist? Perhaps it is angry, hate, apathy, or even part.

Why temper tantrum happens towards your lover?

I have found that many people are kind to others while strict with his lover. When asked, they always say that what they do is completely for the good of her, including the temper tantrum. They will say that temper tantrum is a relative effective way for them to deal with things up to now. Although his lover will be angry or hurt, they can see a change from her right now. Yes, change is what he wants to get. Everyone has an imagination of perfection for his lover, so some people will try to change his lover to be close to his “imagination perfection”. Especially, temper tantrum is one of the acting ways.
The pattern of expecting changes from his lover through temper tantrum is mostly because of the experiences learned from others, especially his own parents. Childhood is a special period to form one’s character, pattern of acting and way of thinking. Of course, we can change this, In fact, we have the ability to change anything about ourselves, but we need necessary mental training. So it is not wholly the fault of ourselves, it is partly because of the education received from your childhood.

For a smart man, if he has such problems, I can confirm that he wants to save him from this suffer. Then:
How to conquer this kind of temper tantrum?

To conquer temper tantrum entirely, we have to take pointed measures. It means that we have to take action from the source – ourselves. We can’t expect we can change others completely in such a way and we have to admit that long-term will not happen unless she would like to do.  All the tips for angry management or temper control are only temporary effective, not a long-term solution. Just like the suggestions on success from Stephen R.Covey, to have a real and continuous success, we have to improve ourselves first, because this is the base of all the other things leading to success. For temper tantrum control, we will realize it is the same.

How to improve ourselves is a big and difficult problem, but how to improve ourselves in a specific area such as temper tantrum seems relative easy. All we need are practice, patience and willpower. Detail to say, we can get a sound improvement through “tell ourselves to accept our lovers”.

To “tell” yourself to accept your lover

“Tell” and “accept” are two important words of this sentence. You can use many ways to tell yourself according the effect after practice, for example:  
A) To list the words you want to say to yourself so as to accept your lover and read silently.
B) To list the words and read loudly. Of course, if you have written some private words on the paper, you can find a peaceful place to continue your reading;
C) To use creative visualization. I have introduced some practical steps to make creative visualization and a personal example to visualize a wonderful day. You can image the best state you want to keep on dealing with things related with your lover. I have also introduced an extended way based on the idea of creative visualization to control temper.
D) To use affirmation. I found it is useful and effective to say to your own subconscious. In fact, subconscious is our best and faithful friend. He tries to prevent us from hurt. Almost all the unconscious actions are controlled by subconscious. It is publicly realized that we do will something without any consideration, or badly to say, it is too fast for us to make any consideration. Just image, what a great and successful thing if we can automatically take a better action?

To accept means to recognize and forgive the shortcomings of your lover. For example, nattering, peacockery, etc. I can bet that nattering is one of the coldest killers. Of course, to accept such shortcomings seems too difficult for some people. So let’s begin our training from a simple question: do you really want to receive her as your lover?  Pay attention to the word “receive”, not “accept”. If your answer is yes, then let’s go on: Can only forgive makes peace, Can only peace makes love, can only love makes long-term and willing changes, can only changes make what you want. This is the need-realizing chain, and the four parts are necessary and Indispensable.

In fact, to answer the question above is to help us find the peace in our heart. If living with each other continuous, we must find a way to fulfill our desire of live happily. All roads lead to Rome. When we keep the basic belief of “living with each other continuous” not “depart”, we can always find a relative better and angry-free solution or at least, you can find a better state for you to keep on the things you are angry at before.

How to put into practice?
In fact, we mainly concern three questions: 1) what’s the content of this practice? 2) When to carry on such practice? 2) Where to carry on such practice? We have answered the first question; now let’s go on with the other two questions.

When to carry on such practice on temper tantrum control?
Getting up in the morning and before sleep in the evening are the best two periods to practice. You will get better result because the practice will have a more remarkable effect on your mind. You can get a clock to count the time you spend on this practice each time. Usually, this practice will take us about 5~10 minutes each time, but with you getting skilled, you will spend less time while getting better result.

In fact, the effect is related closely with the times of you carry on this practice. Once you found you can only use 5 minutes or even less to finish this practice, you will notice that you can do this practice many times a day because there are many 5-minute period.

Where to carry on such practice?
In fact, you can do it everywhere, for example: on bus, on the bed, in the kitchen, taking bath and so on.

May love your lover using your heart and in a good way!

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